I was 16 and it was the summer going into my junior year. I had a rough sophmore year and at the beginning of summer i started hanging out with 4 guys 24/7. I always thought that some how nothing bad would happen to me as long as I was with them because they aren't people to be messed with. One of them was 21 and I knew he was truly a bad person, but I didnt care. Well he had a friend and one night that friend sexually assaulted me in his own home. He was 21 or 22. He was drunk and had taken 5 zanex pills or what most people call them bars. It took me a few days to understand what had happened because he was such a close friend to the guys I hung out with everyday. I felt like it was somehow my fault. When I told one of the guys I hung out with everyday about what happened, he didnt even ask me if I was okay. He didnt care. That in itself was one of the most horrible feelings I've ever had. I realized you really have to mean absolutely nothing to someone for them not to care. I felt like i had no one and everything in my life was crashing down at once. It's been almost 9 months and I feel more depressed than ever. I feel angrier than ever. I am just numb and i dont really know what to do anymore. I tried therapy and it was helpful but I mostly can't get my mom to listen to me when I tell her that I'm still not okay. I feel like everyone just expects me to forget about it, but I think about it everyday. And the few people that do know, don't know what to belive since I didn't press charges. But logically speaking I wouldn't have won the trial because there wouldn't have been enough evidence.

I recently learned that my husband has been looking at pictures of partial & nude children on the computer. (all girls, preteen). He has a separate account "Main controller" of the computer. (I figured out his password) This was my final decision to leave him and report him. I now understand that he is manipulative, abusive and controlling. As I was making my plans to leave after the holidays something happened to me. Two weeks before Christmas, I am sure he drugged and raped me both vaginal and anal. It took me about 4 days to pull it all together. The signs were all there, just no memory of it happening. The night it happened he was following me around being super nice. I was decorating for the holiday outside. I was going from the garage to the front of the house with a step stool then a ladder. He wouldn’t leave my side. He never shows concern about me using ladders or never helps decorate. That night he followed me like a puppy. He didn’t want me getting on the ladder, (even though he hurt his back picking up boxes earlier in the week.) Something he was never concerned with before. I poured a glass of wine I barely touched because I was outside and left the glass indoors. I only had about 2 sips at the time. I continued to decorate. I went inside, my cell phone rang, He looked at me with a quick panic when my dad called me on my cell, it seemed odd the way my husband looked scared when my phone rang. After a brief conversation with my dad, I needed to go pick up deodorant at the nearby drug store. He wouldn’t let me drive to the store by myself. I said “I had two sips of my wine, I’ll be fine.” He said he wanted to go, he was craving candy and he insisted on driving my car.